I've just spent an hour looking at the relationships between alcohol dependency and seizures.
All my worrying came to a head on Wednesday when I arrived back to my office to find an ambulance outside and him being wheeled out in mask and attached to wires.
On the outside people knew that we had been dating and were still friends, but few know how close we still are, and that he'd stayed at mine the night before. So it must have looked odd that I declared (on his approval) "I'm going to the hospital with him."
I have truly never ever been so worried about anyone in my life.
I helped him get changed into the hospital robes because he was too weak to move. I stroked his head for the hour or so until his memory came back. I answered the questions the doctor asked about his medical history. I phoned his brother. And then I was amazed when the doctor did not ask a 27 year old man who arrives in hospital after having a fit for the first time how much alcohol he drinks.
So I say to the doctor outside "You might want to ask him how much he drinks". The doctor looks at me quizzically and I wonder weather I've overstepped the mark - I mean I know my first aid at work qualification hardly compares to her seven years medical training.
"Does he drink a lot?" she says and then returns to the bed to ask him about his drinking. Well done doctor - "I strongly suggest that you consider seeing someone about your drinking," she says after we have totaled up the units of alcohol that go into his body every day. "This could be related."
Honestly.
So I get him dressed and organise a car on the company to take him back to his parents which is about an hour away. I take him home and he sleeps on my lap during the journey. I explain the day to his, worryingly unconcerned, parents while he has a bath. I give him cuddles and look after him when he sleep walks in the night. I get up at the crack of dawn to get into work on time the next day.
I go for coffee the next day with his manager and we discuss how we can be supportive and help him sort things out (having a boyfriend who had alcohol problems in the past means she's noticed too). I'm due for coffee with his sister to do the same this week.
People say I shouldn't be getting involved and that I do more than I should. What the hell should I do then, please can someone tell me? Just because we don't go out anymore I can not switch off the fact that I care about him so much. I've spent the last four days tearing my hair out (literally) worrying what to do. And the worst thing - he wont talk to me on the phone. He's hiding from the problem because he knows now I am going to say something. Like I did before and he decided that we shouldn't be going out.
I can't deal with his issues as well as mine, but I can't walk away from this. The only thing I can do is try to be strong and focused as I'm no good to him if I'm upset and worried.