So 2007 has begun even worse than 2006 ended.

Today I:
- discovered I actually have £60 to last until the 28th
- got soaked
- took on a whole load more stressful crisis comms work
and
- spent an hour sitting on the floor of my office trying to sort out my little paniking alcoholic friend

The latter being the most disturbing. What I haven't blogged is that after he was signed off work sick after the first fit he cut me out, apart from when he was slaughtered in the early hours of the morening when he called me up to offer some friendly abuse. One day he appeared back at work drinks, downed a couple of bottles of wine, flirted disgustingly with a girl who was clearly winding him up, left with her then called me ten minutes later to tell me he wanted me and was coming round to my house. When I said no the most obscene launguage came out of his mouth as to my motives for 'getting involved with his life'.....

The next day does he remember anything - no! So I tell him and get appologies and we make up and I miss him. Then over Christmas he comes along to a friends' party and causes a scene by being too drunk . Then (I find out today) has a panic attack at a party on nye leaves and calls me 15 (yes) times after going home to drink.

then today one of his colleagues pulls me out of a meeting to come look after him and I do and he stinks of alchohol (at ten thirty in the morning)and I call his parents to let them know he's back in hospital again. But now he is out and won't talk to me again.

what a rant and I feel so depressed and frankly I can't be bothered with any of this shit and I know that debating taking an overdose will pass and that it always does and that's what I'm trying to tell myself as I sit here and churn out all these useless words that don't mean anything but I know they are a distraction and I don't want anyone to read this because I sound like one of those self important silly young women who think they've got it so bad and I really should be puntuating some of this but I don't care and what's wrong with my life and yes thanks I'm intelligent and attractive and sociable and whatever I love the attention and I love chatting and laughing and talking but i hate everything else. and i know part of this is after christmas come down and that coke and prozac don't mix but, really, what is the point?