I've been back to my therapist (and my blog!) after a break and boy did I need it. In the past four weeks I went through the process of changing meds, being alone, not thinking at all straight. There was a lot of cutting going on and it was all getting a bit nasty.

About five minutes after we had started I got that feeling again - when talking about the embarrasment I feel when I am in situations with my parents whice are a bit private. By this I mean if i stay over and get up in the morning still in my pajamas. We spoke about this and the feeling came really stongly. A physical sickness, a tight chest, a funny feeling on my skin - particularly the backs of my upper arms. But during this my mind is always blank, can't think of anything apart from how I feel.

I've been seeing this therapist for nine months now. Given that I keep having this experience she has suggested that I investigate another treatment alongside my therapy with her. She says that there seems to be something that is clearly being remembered by my body but not my brain, and we don't seem to be able to get it out. She has reccomended I see an energy therapy practicioner. This basically works on tapping into the energy channels to deal with the imbalance that has been created by a traumatic event.

Or, as Dr Mollon (the person she is likely to refer me to) says, "combines psychoanalytic understanding with the rapid, gentle and deep methods of energy therapy." I've researched and it seems to make sense so let's see where we go.

My concern is what is this trauma that is trapped in my body that is clearly having sauch an effect on me? My therapist could see I was a bit scared and she assured me that it doesn't necassarily need to be something major - its how I perceived it at the time that is important. But what if something horrible did happen - do I want to know? If I never know can I ever properly deal with it?